damik's Diaryland Diary

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My esophagus is burning

Oh my God.
I just got a flash of who I was again. I just got my hair cut and colored it. It looks great, it has body and shine it hasn't had in a long time. I was thinking cool, it's about time I had a haircut I liked.
The problem is the mirror showed the rest of me too. Suddenly I go from a person I don't mind, to one I never wanted to be. I hate being fat. Trevor says if I feel that way I should do something about it. Like I don't know that. Like it's just that easy. Then he tells me he likes the way I look. After admiring a pretty, skinny, girl. So I sit and wonder what's the fastest way to loose weight. I don't care anymore if it's the safest, I would rather risk some form of heart trouble then be fat, who wants to live forever anyhow?
I never understood the desire to live longer. Why would anyone want to live to loose their dignity? Life steals enough of it anyway, what's the point of hanging on untill we can't remember who we are, untill we're a financial drain on our relatives, untill life has come full circle and some one is changing us again.
Robert Fulghum was right, why can't humans go out in a burst of color, why must we turn gray and die?
Considering the alternative, I'd chose to be skinny and die young. At least I could make an attractive corps.

12:20 a.m. - 06-25-02
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