damik's Diaryland Diary

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The fear of myself in me

It was one of thoes "I hope things look better by the light of day" things. And they kind of do, but they kind of don't the bleakness feels managable today, and I guess that can be good enough, right?
From desperation to meloncoly.
I'm writing the same poems over and over. Same poem different words. Nothing inventive or thought provoking. Same drivel spewing from the end of my pen.
I ching I lost it because I'm so down on myself. How can I be happy with all this self loathing.
No wonder no one likes me, I'm a self pittying, hateful, whining bitch. I annoy myself.
I wish could sit down with Bruce, Jenny, Adam, Andrew, or anybody and just talk. Be honest and open tell someone tat last night I felt like dying. I wouldn't do anything because I was working of course, but I don't work monday night, and I don't work at all Thursday- my birthday- I'd have the whole afternoon to kill myself. And it scares me that I might still feel this way then. I want to tell someone how much it scares me. That come one of these nights when I'm all alone that maybe...

10:01 a.m. - 01-26-03
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