damik's Diaryland Diary

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Jerk-at-Work Revisited

Time to revisit the whole jerk-at-work issue, I think I ought to rename him, he's not worthy of the name Andrew.

It's probably my fault. I should learn by now that I can't take anyone in my confidance. When I'm at my weakest and I need someone to talk to, whomever I talk to tells some one else.

"Andrew" told Frank (My assistant boss) about the time I asked him for something to drown my feelings. And I'm not sure what else he told. I just can't talk to anyone. I'm I that nieve to believe that I can take anyone in my confadince? I wshed there was people who I could still trust to talk to. Onec again my mind returns to the idea of retaleation. There are things that "Andrew" has told me that he asked me not to repeat. Things he's done that he wouldn't like to make common knowelage. So do I reveal what I know, or do I take the high road?

Its yet another thing I don't know what to do with. It's no wonder why I have issues with trust. Because there is really no one I can trust. Whatever I say will be told to someone else. I would do anything to have someone I could talk to. I don't want to become untrusting, I want to have faith in people. But I can't thereis no one in this world who won't betray me.

This one's for you, "Andrew", I thought you were a better person then you are. I built you up in my mind. But It was all pretend. I imagined you were a decent, trustworthy person. I wanted you to be, because i needed someone in my life to be.

So I'm all alone. And it isn't entirely self imposed. I yearn for someone I can talk to. I don't want to be alone my whole life.

11:28 p.m. - 07-20-2001
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