damik's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Working a Lie

I've enjoyed the time I've spent on set, don't get me wrong, the long days comming home exausted do nothing to dampen the fun I have. No, what dampens it is my self image problems. I had many a man hit on me, tell me I'm beautiful, ask me for my number or a date. All I could do is wonder what joke is, or if I'm missing the punchline. Standing in front of the full length mirror I want to cry because that girl isn't me. I am not the beautiful woman they think they see. I'm just Danie. I'm just that mousy girl who's easy to overlook. The man who took the picture, who said I have a beautiful smile. The man who told me I was georgous each time I passed him because I told him if he said it enough I might believe him. And Will, who tells me all the time, who I can see from the look in his eyes means it. How can they not be wrong? The ideal is reflected in the media. If men actully wanted my type then Miller wouldn't use the impossibly skinny, imposibally big breasted women to sell there beer. If I were beautiful wouldn't I see women like me staring in T.V. shows instead of being resigned to the funny sidekick? I don't sell, I don't shine. Being an extra you see how much of Hollywood is fake. And so is the fanticy that I'm attractive. And its not even that I want to be found attractive by other guys, I love that Will can look at me and want me. I don't ever want to believe that I'm something I'm not, though. I don't want to think I'm worth more then I am.

3:27 p.m. - 08-27-03
1 comments

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next