damik's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can't Love Be Enough?

And we both sat there holding each other. I don't know if it was goodbye or hello. I couldn't help but crying.
It could really be over. I couldn't concentrate on work at all. I didn't want to be there any more.
I need to look for positive alternatives in my life. I was thinking of going for a run when I was upset and wanting to hurt myself. Distance myself from the problem, and get endorphins the healthy way.
I don't know how not to hate myself, and that's so much of the problem. I don't see a good person. How can I find a worthy person.
Either way, I can survive, I can be by myself, comforted in the fact that I'm not hurting him anymore, but I still want to believe that love can make it work. All you need is love.
Why can't that be enough?
If it's over, if it all ends now, there are so many things I'll regret never telling him. I've told him that I love him, but I forgot to tell him how deeply, and how important his love is to me. I told him each time he hurt me, but I neglected to mention how he made me happy. I yelled at him for each girl he looked at, but I never told him how I heard every time he told me I was beautiful, and even though I didn't always believe him, I loved him for it. I never told him he was my hero. How even though he couldn't help my slay my dragons, he helped make them not so overwhelming.
I didn't tell him thank you for all the little things he did for me. I bitched at all the things he forgot, but I didn't thank him for his thoughtfulness.
I know there is a world without him, and I know this is all my fault, sometimes I even think I may be better off, but I didn't really want to find out. I don't really want to find out.
I want to believe that love is enough, that it can take the pain away, that it can heal the pain. Why can't it be enough?
"When we're torn apart, shattered and scarred, love has the grace to save us. We're just two tarnished hearts, when, in each other's arms we become saints and angels." ~ Victoria Banks
Can't it be true? Can't it work out? Can't love just be enough?

12:07 p.m. - 04-14-02
1 comments

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next