damik's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe a hot shower

I came home just to change, befor going to my other job. I sit here now trying to decide if I should gather myself together and get changed go to work, or I should just give up and throw myself across my clothing strewn bed and embrace the blech I feel. I'm too tired to function. I don't have any energy. Is it the EBS? Is it everything I have weighing down on me, bills that are past due, a trashed apartment I really don't care to clean. If there ever was a time to let the world pass me by now would be it. I was sick last night but feel alright now, even the headach that has been plagueing me for a week has all but gone away. But physically and emotionally I'm wiped out. I wouldn't do anything at all now if I didn't feel obligated to do it. I would just lay in bed. I want to say fuck it, I've gone through depression after depression still maintaining a semblance of a life, still doing what I need to have done, still going to work, still interacting with people in my life. Fuck it this time. Indulge these feelings. Let the world fall apart around me. I don't have the strength to keep it together. I don't want to hold it together. I should just quit, I should quit everything. This is the best I can ever hope for. I'm talking myself out of it, if I continue on this rant I'm not going to be able to force myself to go to work.

10:22 a.m. - 08-11-03
1 comments

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next