damik's Diaryland Diary

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Rejected, again

I got another rejection letter in the mail yesterday. It never hurts any less. Why does a simple form letter saying that all the entries were great, and the judges had a tough time chosing, sound to me like you suck why bother trying?
I enjoyed on one of the letters the sender had drawn a frowny face and wrote "sorry". It seemed a touch more personal that way. Better then a sheat of paper starting out "Dear Poet" that they've sent to all the loosers.
Trevor was kinda peeved with me today. Well for a while now he's been peeved with me. I haven't much wanted to stay at home. This isn't very different, I never want to stay home, but now that I've got my own car I leave more often. Just here and there, going to my mother's to visit, going to the gym, going window shopping, generally enjoying being out and about, I don't care that's it's on my own so long as it isn't home. But if I have to here one more time a snide comment about going to my "boyfriend's" house, I may snap. He was sulky today because I was going to go to the Tavernacle with one of the clients at work, I went there alone on Friday, I had a good time but it is funner with others, and it's a riot going with the guy I was going to take. He got all sniffly but I went anyway. I got to the program to pick him up and ended up deciding to blow off the piano bar and went to a little bar with pool tables whith Abby and Frank. I had fun, it wasn't belting a badly of key version of the piano man, but I lost a game of pool, lost a game of darts. What could be better. I just wish that Trevor would have any kind of inclanation to do the likes with me, I've just given up asking. One can only here no so many times.
I tried that thing were I was going to be more honest with Dr. Tom, and to a certian extent, I was, but still wasn't. It's too uncomfortable. I hate to come out and say things, if pressed, I will, but to just open up of my own accord. I don't know that I'll ever be able to.

10:23 p.m. - 01-28-03
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