damik's Diaryland Diary

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Kind of crazy, right?

I must admit I'm rather pathatic. Tears streaming down my face, cutting myself, because my phone is broken. I've gotten past the freaking out point to the calm methodical self-injury. Starting out, my hands were shaking and I stuttered a cut or two.
The helping hand blades are a lot sharper then the blades I was used to. Its a thing, I'm not sure its bad or good. I just know they come in a pack of 10 blades and cost less then $2.00. I know I should take my meds, even though the depakote is locked up I can still take my Wellbutrine. Especally sence thoes puppies cost me $36.00 a bottle after the insurance ponies up their part of the cost. That really sucks.
I am calm now, I've figured out how, despite not being paid until tomorrow, I'll get a new phone today, (floating a check rocks)but that doesn't mean I'm done cutting. Now I'm just enjoying the feeling of control. I'm sick, I know it.
I still need to go out to my mother's and finish cleaning the basement. She didn't answer her phone at all yesterday, I wonder if it was her calling saying that she had the baby. She's been planning on having it early for a while now. Maybe she did.
I hate not having a phone.
So I'll cut a little longer and then go out and get me a new one.
Oh yah, and to make matters even worse, my email isn't working now. Fuck the world.

11:20 a.m. - 01-08-04
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