damik's Diaryland Diary

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I've stared too long into the abyss

I wonder if I dragged him down when I was faltering. If my anger and negitivity casued him to tumble, too. I'm sure it did, but I can't really blame myself any more then I can blame him for pulling me down when he's angry like this. I don't remember if I resorted to name calling.
Like the song says, I don't know why you got to be angry all the time.
I sit here with a bag of strike anywere matches. Thoughts of pain, reminding myself that I have to make it to my birthday. And that 120 days feels nice. I wouldn't really do it today, I say that with certanty. If I was going to do anything today it wouldn't be superficial.
Torn between enjoying what life has to offer, loathing myself for every mistake I've made, each desision I regreat, the flaws I pick at untill I reach my soul, and the desire not to hit twenty-two. Why must I always feel I've been too long in this world?
I think next time, I won't choose to go back.

10:52 p.m. - 01-20-03
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