damik's Diaryland Diary
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It maybe too hard.
It's harder then you can even imagin to resist. You know it's there, all you need to do is get the blade and the sweet release. But I want to stop, I don't want to hurt myself again.
It'll mask the pain I'm feeling now, it will distract me. It will hurt me less then he has, all these reasons are why I cannot stop
I'm sorry I failed myself again
So I can focas on that instead, I can focas on real pain, on something I can see. Not my worthlessness not the pain I feel whan faced with the disapointment of believing I can be more then I actully am not the pain I feel from believeing I can be worth more then I actully am. I will never be somebody. I will always be this pathetic nobody pretending. Pretending I can matter. Pretending to be worthy, pretending there is anything good about me at all. And when the pretence has been revealed for what it truely is, the blade is easer then what's inside. And sometimes it's not worth fighting, today I welcome it. Because it doesn't hurt as much as what is real.
2:47 p.m. - 11-25-01
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older entries: When. I called when! - 11:27 p.m. , 10-07-13 Intrusive - 3:31 p.m. , 09-12-13 It isn't working today. - 2:21 p.m. , 09-09-13 Sleep, SI, Stress, and Pain, yeah, I hit them all. - 4:46 p.m. , 08-09-13 I hate this game. I don't want to play anymore. - 2:59 p.m. , 05-29-13 |
