damik's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Where shall I go tomorrow?

My bedroom smells like my room in my mom's house in the time before I moved out. The sick thick smell of mold and mildew has filled the room. And it brings me back to those days, those fights, those memories, thoes regrets I've tried to put behind me.
Lying in my bed with the smell of mildew wafting up to my noes I wonder how my life would have been different had I taken a different path. Would I still be in college now had I chosen to still live with my mother instead of moving out. Would I have even made it through highschool?
Would Trevor and I have stayed together so long if I hadn't been virtully thrust apon him my junior year or would we have go the way of the highschool romances before us.
Where would I be today? I can't ask myself if I picked the right road, I know well enough there is no right road, I can just wonder.
It's scary really that no decision you make won't change your life forever. That my choice to go to the store one afternoon instead of watching reruns of The Practice may unalterably change everything I ever knew. Almost makes me want to curl up in bed and never make anther decision again, but I know that's the wrong path.
The apartment people don't know where the water is coming from that has caused the offending oder. If it's somehow through the wall, or like in my mother's house seeping up from the ground. But as they search for a cause the smell of meldew seems to have permeated my dresser and end table. A smell that vaguely reminds me of home. A smell that makes me want to escape.

12:21 p.m. - 07-20-02
0 comments

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next