damik's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I won't give up

Trevor doesn't believe in me. He doesn't think I'll actually go through with the marathon. I pushed back starting because I wanted the marathon date to correlate with the marathon date on my training schedule. Almost, if I really wanted it to correlate, I would start on Sunday, but I want the break from running to be on Saturday, so I have to start on Monday for that to happen. And I really don't care that I'm babbling, I like to babble. It's fun. But back to my point, Trevor takes this as further proof that I'm a flake and I'm not going to do it. I'm trying to focus on the mentality that I'm going to prove him wrong. That I know that I can do it, that I'm dedicated in doing it, and that's all that really matters. I'm trying. But it's not all that really matters. I need his support, I need him to believe that I can too.
I also have to put out of my mind that this is anything resembling a weight loss endeavor. That is not my goal. I can accept being a chunky girl. One day I may even grow to like my curves.
But I'm not joining this marathon to lose weight. I'm joining because I want to have done something impressive in my life. I want to have done something people will respect me for. I want to once again feel the nauseous butterflies in my stomach when I line up for a race.
I want to once again connect with a joy that I gave up so long ago. I want to be proud of myself for doing it.
And for all those reasons, I'm going to run, and not care if Trevor thinks I'm going to fail.

11:00 p.m. - 02-20-02
0 comments

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next