damik's Diaryland Diary

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Its conquering is up to you

I'm getting frustrated with the whole writing process. I'm not any good at stories. I can write what I consider to be good poems with out much effort, they come naturally to me. And to not be able to sit down and write prose with such ease is frustrating to me.
It's jera again. I just need to have patience with myself. I will never get everything I want, be everything I want right now. I need to plant and sow and cultivate. I'm tugging my shoots and I'm just going to kill the plant this way.
I don't know what I'm doing besides resisting the impulse to take my composition note book containing the start of "The Suicide Circle" and burning it. I want to curl myself into a ball and cry, resigning myself to the fact that I'll never be a real writer.
And its only because I can't give it a real chance. I'm a quitter, that�s my lot in life and that�s what I'll always be.
I hate these thoughts, I hate that I have these feelings in me. I want to be confidant and follow my dreams with abandon. All my life I've given up on myself. I want to find the courage to keep going. I want to find the courage to fail if that�s what I'm going to do. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if I could have been what I dreamed I'd be.

10:45 a.m. - 05-25-03
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